we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
