It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize