never play flip cup with pint glasses
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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