my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
