It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
