Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize