i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
we should paint friendship bongs
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