i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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