Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize