Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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