the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
