note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
