tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
