it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
