i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
