she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
