No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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