So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
