bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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