The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Semen is not good for contacts.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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