a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
