just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
