Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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