i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
