hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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