Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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