i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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