My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
