Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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