oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just pee around me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
