My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
