There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
