it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
