I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
