I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
