just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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