hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
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Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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