On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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