she was so not down for the gang bang
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
