so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
