He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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