i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
