If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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