I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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