Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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