i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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