Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
