So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
