Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
