i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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