Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
