Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
