wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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