1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
