I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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