His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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