Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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