Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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