My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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