dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish i was in the wii world.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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