i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
