i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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