Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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