I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
