Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
birth control should be required to get into college
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
