the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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