remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
